So... it's been a really long time since I came back here to rant. Just blog for the sake of blogging, so next time when I grow old, I can look back and laugh at myself (LOL)
So me and marcusA already broke up for 7 months. During this 7 months, lots of things happen. I was crying every, single day for 3 months, drinking every single day also, oh and getting drunk everyday, trying to understand why he left me bla bla bla.
Than Shawn tried to show me his love, so I did accept him in the end.
It took alot of courage for me to give up a 2 year relationship for Shawn. I still manage to forget MarcusA in the end and concentrate solely on Shawn. But Shawn was never satisfied. No matter how good I am, no matter how well I treat him, no matter how much I tried to stick to him, he will always accuse me of "ÿou haven't forget marcus", "you don love me at all", "ÿou're drinking because you haven forget marcus", etc.
Seriously by second month I'm already fucking tired of reassuring you that I don't love marcus anymore, I'm fucking tired of telling you that I only love you.
You're the one who told me to stop messaging you, so I stopped. But when I really stopped, you told me to message you, and so I did. But when I did message you, you didnt even bother to reply.
Fine, I've already gotten used to the fact that I'll receive less than 2 messages from you per day. I've already gotten used to the fact that you'll never pick up my calls no matter how urgent it is. I've already gotten used to the fact that you won't be there for me at all.
But what I'm really surprised when I realise not only do you not reply my messages, you didnt even BOTHER TO READ IT.
Oh yeah?? Surprised at how I found out yeah? I told you on a freaking Sunday that we're gonna go catch a movie, you didnt reply me for the whole of sunday till the next day which was a freaking monday afternoon close to evening and what did you say??
"Sorry baby I'm going town with my friends they already plan for a very long time liao"
__ you. Seriously just fuck you. And lots of other times when we already plan everything swee swee go out tgt and you'll suddenly pua stunt huh MIA with me. Cb I already keep inside my heart very long liao I fucking buay tahan anymore.
SMLJ??? I book KTV room everything, than knncb you pua stunt don pick up my calls? Ok nvm, thank God I didnt book the movie also, if not I think I will have to fucking watch alone.
I know I'm wrong in some ways when I kept on going to drink, but I did stop going, didnt I? Where are all the good in me??
You called me out of the blue one day after we broke up, saying I'm a typical ah lian, I don know how to study, I only know how to drink, smoke, take drugs. SMLJ. I KNOW LA. I GOT TRY TO STUDY WHAT.
I am not a fucking ah lian. Ah lians don behave the way I behave ok, this is life what. Which teen now don do all this you tell me lor. If by doing all this makes me an ah lian, than my parents are what?? I'm sorry to say this but what about your dad?? He drink and smoke also what.
I know you can see this, and c'mon, we were best friends, I know by doing this you will hate me. But I'm sorry, it's too late. You made the wrong choice the moment you walked out of my life.
I trusted you too much, S you should know me well. But not to worry, I've gotten over you, just like how you want it to be.
I don't want you back anymore, I just want you to be my best friend again.
I miss Marcus. I know I nag and everything, but have you ever thought it's for your own good?? urgh.
This is really messing up my life. I still can't let go.
