It's funny how things can be all so lovey dovey one moment.... then a scary silence the next.
I'm sorry that I put a smiley face behind the "we broke up in the dream" sentence. It must have mislead u to thinking that I'm happy with this kind of thing that's bloody happening in my...... FUCKING DREAM.
Did you know I was waiting for your reply? I called you and u didn't pick up, fine. I was waiting for your message, for your call. We were supposed to watch Monsters University today, remember? How can you always, ALWAYS let me wait n wait n wait like a fucking idiot?
To think that I told my brother we were going to watch it together and my mom even said my bro's being a lightbulb. I have to fucking lie to him that u ain't coming over because you're going back to camp. Ya la ya la, I was wrong, but u didn't have to ignore me?
You always ignore me, always waiting till you're happy enough then you'll talk to me again. Honestly? I know you're having a rough patch in your life now, I don't understand your pain but I can feel half of it. I've felt it before and I know how it feels like, to desperately want someone you care for get better day by day. She will get better, have faith ok?
Honestly, I feel that it's stupid for us to be separated because of this. But oh well, what's done is done. I'll just have to get used to this emptiness again.
I'll miss you.
Yay I passed my FTT ytd!! Hahahahaha like song only the feeling. Got it done within 2 minutes, even better!
Now I have this stupid project to finish before tomorrow..... so I'm gonna burn the midnight oil. I don't care, by hook or by crook I'm gonna get this done. As long as I get pass this week I can sleep all I want next week.
U kept me waiting for so long. Stupid holidays hurry up!
Woahhhhhh didn't expect Shaiful to pass his BTT!! Hahahaha achievement unlocked! Really damn happy for him ^_^
It's my turn tomorrow and I'm not really nervous but feeling damn confused. Lol??? Idky but it's like I got a feeling I'll fail tomorrow, shit. Mind totallly blank when I went for E trial just now. Hopefully I can make it tomorrow!
Ahhhhh nervous nervous!! Going for etrial test tomorrow then it's FTT on Wednesday!! Hopefully can pass ah hehe.
Holiday next week. Lots of things to do this week man. Just finish my part in the group project. Also expecting my new clothes n bags to arrive next Monday! Yippee ^_^v
Shaiful is having his BTT tomorrow. I really don't know how he is going to pass because he didn't study at all x_x Nonetheless, good luck for your test bi! Love you xo
Wish I have something fun to update my blog about, for me to read when I get older.
It's time to fucking make things happen. Everytime my friends n I plan something it always backfire. Even the adventure cove trip with bi doesn't go well. In fact, almost every trip we plan didn't work out in the end.
From now on, I'll use my old method of doing things. Too much of me compromising n saying "it's okay, there's always a next time."
From now on, whatever I want, I'll get it. I don't wanna waste my life like this anymore. It's sickening. It makes me feel dead. Utterly disgusted by the way I live now. I'm always at home reading a book or watching tv. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that but there must also be a time where I'm having fun ma? I'm not even into drinking now. I'm so desperate for fun I just want to be outside, with u n just relax.
I'm going crazyyyyyyyy
Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder (historically known as manic–depressive disorder or manic depression) is a psychiatric diagnosis for a mood disorder. Individuals with bipolar disorder experience episodes of a frenzied state known as mania (or hypomania), typically alternating with episodes of depression.
At the lower levels of mania, such as hypomania, individuals appear energetic and excitable and may in fact be highly productive. At a higher level, individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep. At the highest level, individuals can experience very distorted beliefs about the world known as psychosis.
Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes; some experience a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. Manic and depressive episodes typically last from a few days to several months and can be interspersed by periods of "normal" mood.
Signs and symptoms
In bipolar disorder, people experience abnormally elevated (manic or hypomanic) mood states which interfere with the functions of ordinary life. Many people with bipolar disorder also experience periods of depressed mood, but this is not universal. There is no simple physiological test to confirm the disorder. Diagnosing bipolar disorder is often difficult, even for mental health professionals. In particular, it can be difficult to distinguish depression caused by bipolar disorder from pure unipolar depression.
The younger the age of onset, the more likely the first few episodes are to be depressive. Because a bipolar diagnosis requires a manic or hypomanic episode, many patients are initially diagnosed and treated as having major depression.
-Source from www.wikipedia.org
I just want to be normal again, to feel normal again. I hate being so awkward around humans, I hate not smiling, I hate being happy for one moment and knowing sadness will take me away again.
All my life I just wanted to be happy. Why is it so hard?
Misunderstandings will be cleared as long as you open your mouth to voice out what's troubling you. I wish there's a time machine, a life remote control and a Aladdin's lamp.
I want to go back to a certain period of time, pause at the happy moments and wish that it'll never end.
能吃是福
Thankful that I'm borned a glutton and still not able to get fat hehe. I love eating!!! ^_^
Found my korean bbq kaki hahaha. Gonna eat korean bbq with yx soon! muahahaha haven't tried it yet, we're gonna try the one at tamp 1. FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD KTHXCIAOS
Life is real boring when u are doing the same thing everyday.
I have so many things to do and accomplish. Gotta have all my resolutions checked by the end of this year. Muahahahaha
School this term is awesome. New module: Spa Therapy. Will be learning about hydro bath, vichy shower, steam bath, sauna and body scrub. Can't wait for life as a real spa therapist after I graduate.
Occasional swings of depression still drop by, but somehow I can control it better now. The thoughts won't shut up in my head, they won't go away so how? Just live with it lor.
Oh and, I can't seem to be able to communicate well with other humans now. Always on different wavelength. Maybe I'll grow old and die, alone, with no friends. Ok so what? I have my family, and you.
How naive.
